Wow. This was probably the silliest movie I’ve seen in some time.  I’m not sure how it saw the light of day, quite honestly.  Jack Black (Nacho Libre) and Michael Cera (Superbad, Juno) are funny dudes, and that helped – but the material had all the weight of a feather.  Set in some unknown time long long ago, the movie follows Zed and Oh as they trek across the ancient land searching for adventure.  They are forced to flee their village after Zed accidentally burns it to the ground.  While on their journey they encounter various biblical and historical figures, while escaping slavery and attempting to rescue their love interests, Maya and Eema from the evil clutches of the King of Sodom. Yep,Sodom. OfSodom andGomorrah .

Black and Cera have good comedic chemistry, and Cera in particular has great timing and delivery.  Jack Black is a fool, and he just seems like he’d be fun to be around.  Nothing was really wrong with the movie, it was just stupid.  And not funny enough to get away with being so stupid.  It was a totally non-descript movie.  So inconsequential I’m not even sure you’d watch it on TV or allow it to be anything more than background noise.  Save your money, it’s not worth it unless you really like Black or Cera, which I don’t think describes anyone over the age of 20. If you insist, don’t go sober.

Denzel Washington rejoins director Tony Scott (Man on Fire, Deja Vu) in The Taking of Pelham 123, the movie adaptation of a novel I vaguely remember reading as a kid. Scott likes to blow stuff up, and neither Washington nor co-star John Travolta is a stranger to the summer action flick. Sounds like a formulaic recipe for success.

Washington plays Walter Garber, a hard-working “everyman” employed by New York City’s public transportation system. His job is to oversee the subway line from the control center, which contains maps and electronic grids of the underground system. His day seems like any other, until he crosses paths with John Travolta’s character, a loose cannon who calls himself Ryder. Ryder gets the bright idea to hijack a subway car and hold its passengers hostage until the city agrees to pay him 10 million dollars. He is communicating with Garber at the control center and gives him an hour to come up with the money, or he will begin killing hostages for every minute the money is late. And dude is not playing. The unique thing about the movie was that it didn’t fall into the Hollywood trap of following the “happy ending” rules. I’m not revealing whether or not the movie ends happily, just that conventional methods are not followed here. Innocent people die, a marked departure from traditional summertime popcorn movie formula. Scott effectively captures the atmosphere of the city, with lots of panoramic shots overlooking Manhattan. The writers kept the action and dialogue between the two leads, and didn’t focus the storyline on any passengers too heavily, which effectively dumbed the movie down, in my opinion. I enjoy a good action thriller as much as the next person and I think the best ones manage to entertain while still throwing in a twist or two. That didn’t happen here. There was no intriguing reason for Ryder’s decision to hijack the train. Nope, just good old-fashioned greed. That’s fine, but it would have been interesting if there were more gray area or plot twists regarding corruption or secondary unexpected implication of another character.

Working with what we have, the movie was fairly decent and entertaining. No movie with Denzel Washington is ever actually bad, and this one was better than his last pairing with Tony Scott, Déjà vu. He effectively conveys Garber’s reluctant heroism, and he and Travolta have a couple of good scenes together, which is no small feat since they don’t actually come face-to-face until well into the movie. For me personally, Travolta is beginning to creep into Nicolas Cage spaz territory. He is almost becoming an Al Pacino parody of himself. The gesticulation, the spazzing out, it’s becoming comical. He says MF a lot too, which he seems to enjoy. Alas, I digress. There’s nothing to dislike about The Taking of Pelham 123, and thus I give it my tepid endorsement. The script could have been a little smarter, but it was entertaining and straightforward, never trying to be more than it was: a summertime action thriller for the masses.

This review first appeared at http://poptimal.com/2009/06/the-taking-of-pelham-123/ and was reprinted with permission.

Oh. My. Goodness. Yep, it was that good. Within ten seconds I knew that X-Men Origins: Wolverine was going to be awesome, and it was – from start to finish.

Hugh Jackman (Deception) reprises his role in this prequel that explores Wolverine’s inception, from the childhood moment when his mutant nature was revealed, to the government manipulation he endures as an adult.  I’m not familiar with the comic books, but I watched the animated show on Saturday mornings as a kid.  I had no idea that Sabretooth and Wolverine were “siblings,” although I think they are kindred spirits rather than literal brothers. Logan (Wolverine) discovers his mutant ability as a child, when his emotions bubble to the surface and his bones extend beyond his flesh, creating sharp claws and deadly weapons.  Sabretooth, meanwhile, has cat-like reflexes with teeth to match.

In one of the best opening sequences ever, we see Wolverine and Sabretooth fighting as comrades and brothers in various wars throughout the 20^th century, invincible and immortal. And hot. Especially Wolverine.  Sabretooth (Live Schriber) looks a little too menacing and sinister to be hot.  He’s just scary.  Anyway, everything is good with the pair until they are approached by the government and asked if they’d “really like to serve their country.”  The government assembles a mutant task force to carry out random covert (and probably borderline illegal) operations.  One such opportunity involves the takedown of some shady characters by Ryan Reynolds’ character, some dude who is EXTRA NICE with a machete, deflecting bullets left and right and even slicing one in half.  It was sweet!  The whole movie was an adrenaline rush, the perfect blend of special effects and action.  When the task force is asked to begin eliminating mutants and civilians,Logan draws the line and refuses. His brother is game, and this signals the end of their relationship.  Sabretooth has a dark side;Logan, not so much.  He does however have an inner rage that surfaces when pushed.  That is exactly what happens when the government, led by one William Stryker, refuses to take no for an answer. Logan retired to a quiet, simple, remote life with his soul mate Kayla.  They seem to be in love, and she becomes the inspiration for the moniker Wolverine, after sharing a story withLogan about a man/creature whose unrequited love causes him to howl sadly at the moon.  Stryker uses Kayla to disruptLogan’s life and draw him back into the fold, manipulating him for personal gain.  He convincesLogan to become fitted with a liquid metal that will adhere to his bones permanently, rendering him virtually indestructible.  WhileLogan was living the simple life, someone began picking off members of the task force.  Stryker claims that he needsLogan to hunt down the killer and protect the rest of the team.  He endures the excruciating experiment under the guise of justice, but quickly discovers that he is being victimized as well.  At this point he is on the run, seeking out Sabretooth so that he may avenge what he and Stryker have done to Kayla.  I’m purposefully being vague about what exactly happens to her and spursLogan to action, so that I don’t completely spoil the movie. Logan’s pursuit allows for some amazing action and fight sequences and the introduction of heretofore unseen characters, like Gambit – a bayou boy with more than a few card tricks up his sleeve.

I won’t recite the entire movie; I think I’ve said more than enough to draw you in.  This is what the summers are made for – popcorn flicks just like this one.  Whether you’re a fan of the franchise or not, I think Wolverine was just a good movie, period.  There’s nothing to dislike.  Hugh Jackman and Live Schriber embodied their characters perfectly: one moralistic and resolute, the other amoral and cruel.  It was awesome. I’m actually going to see it again.  A perfect ten.

This article first appeared at www.poptimal.com and was reprinted with permission.

This was an interesting movie to review. On one hand it didn’t break any new ground, but on the other hand it was immensely entertaining, if the audience in my theater was any indication. Idris Elba (Rock n Rolla) and Beyonce Knowles (Cadillac Records) star in Obsessed, a cross between Fatal Attraction and Disclosure. The fact that I can readily reference those two movies is an indication that Obsessed is a rip-off of more substantive films of the same genre. Whereas Fatal Attraction established the standard for the genre, Obsessed will wind up being another forgettable addition. If there was an award for eye candy, Idris Elba would win quite easily. Unfortunately, I think any other accolades will prove elusive, at least for this role.

Elba plays Derek, a handsome type-A executive with a lovely wife named Sharon and an adorable infant son. The pair has just purchased a new home and seems to be very happy. Their blissful existence is short-lived, as a new temp at Derek’s company makes her presence felt. Lisa (Ali Larter) is assigned to fill in for Derek’s assistant, and begins to drop hints that she’d like more than a professional relationship with him. She’s attractive and aggressive, but Derek remains committed to his wife and rebuffs her advances repeatedly. The broad is really crazy, it’s like she’s delusional, or hard of hearing. She starts with subtle, inappropriate hints and eventually escalates to downright sexual assault, even drugging Derek at one point. She corners him in a bathroom stall and practically forces him to physically restrain her. Things come to a head when the police get involved after an incident. I don’t want to give away too much, suffice to say that by this point Derek and Sharon are living in fear. Here’s my problem with Obsessed. It was not a smart movie. It was formulaic and derivative. There was never an explanation offered for Lisa’s crazy behavior. There was no basis for it, considering that she and Derek never actually slept together. Not that I wanted them to – but I found it hard to believe that it would go as far as it did since they never “sealed the deal.” Derek was the picture of class and fidelity, but we see that some questionable decisions lead to trouble for he and Sharon. The movie ends predictably and happily, as I suspected. The performances were fine, but I don’t believe that either actor was challenged much by the material. Been there, done that – and it’s been done better. Obsessed was an average movie that had its entertaining moments, but it hardly stands out as a cant-miss summer movie. Bring on Wolverine

I’ll cut to the chase and state upfront that this was easily the worst movie I’ve seen all year.  Jason Statham (The Bank Job, Snatch) returns as Chev Chelios, hunted hitman. When we last left him he was hurtling toward the earth after being thrown from a plane.  Guess what? He’s still alive.  That right there should be proof enough that this flick was beyond ridiculous.  This time around some Asian mafioso types replace his heart with an artificial one.  They implant his heart into the local crime boss, an old gangster on his last leg.  Chelios spends the entire movie trying to survive long enough to get his heart back.  The problem is that his artificial heart is not designed to last for more than 48 hours. He’s equipped with some sort of battery pack that measures his heart’s remaining “juice,” kinda like bars on a cell phone. When he gets down to one bar, he better re-charge or he’ll die.  He starts kicking ass all over town and reunites with his old girl from the first movie, Eve (Amy Smart, The Butterfly Effect).   The movie continues to devolve as the pair enjoys a public romp in an effort to keep Chelios’ heart pumping overtime.  This time they knock boots on a racetrack in front of thousands of people.  I’m not sure there was any real point to this scene, other than to be absurd.

Much like its predecessor, Crank: High Voltage is a movie best enjoyed by 12 year old boys.  It was over the top, from start to finish.  Oh sure, it was cool to see Chelios open up a can on people – but eventually the movie just becomes laughable.  From Chelios electrocuting himself repeatedly, to surviving numerous assorted ass-whoopings and mishaps, the movie was a joke. And maybe that’s the point.  I hope they aren’t aiming for a trilogy, though sadly it appeared that the ending left room for the possibility.

I was mildly excited about State of Play, as it looked like the type of smart political thriller I typically enjoy. I thought it would be in the same vein of the classic Three Days of the Condor or at least as good as 2007’s Lions for Lambs. While it was a fairly decent movie, it was not as good as either of those I just mentioned.

Russell Crowe (American Gangster) stars as an investigative reporter who is looking into the death of a congressman’s mistress. Ben Affleck (Hollywoodland) gives a turn as the congressman, Stephen Collins. Helen Mirren (Shadowboxer) plays Crowe’s editor at the newspaper, and Rachel McAdams (Red Eye) is a fellow reporter. My problem with the movie was that it went out of its way to present one situation when the truth ended up being with another scenario that was obvious all along. I know that sounds vague, but the gist is that the movie seemed disingenuous and anti-climactic. Despite boasting an above-average cast, State of Play was not the smart thriller I’d hoped. Russell Crowe was fine, as was Ben Affleck, but it just wasn’t enough. Obviously the congressman will be implicated initially when news breaks that he was having an affair with the young woman who was killed. If you are going to eventually expose him, then don’t go out of your way to make it seem like he is innocent. That feels like a bait and switch to me. State of Play is a solid pay-per-view or Netflix choice, but if you’re looking for the next great political thriller, I’d suggest you keep it moving.

I broke my Nicolas Cage rule to check out Knowing last week. My Nicolas Cage rule is pretty simple. I basically don’t pay to see movies that feature him heavily. I find him to be rather annoying and rarely worth the ticket price. It’s a personal thing. His quirks and mannerisms just get under my skin. Fortunately, I found him to be tolerable in Knowing, a movie that both intrigued and disturbed me.

Its premise was an interesting one. In a small Massachusetts town in the 1950s, an elementary school class buries a time capsule. 50 years later the capsule is uncovered, its contents distributed to a new generation. Among the items is a mysterious piece of paper with several series of numbers. Nicolas Cage plays John Koestler, a widowed college professor. It is John’s son Caleb who ends up with the numerical code. John decodes the numbers, and discovers its chilling meaning. The code represents an accurate catalogue of every global disaster over the last century. All of the events have happened in the past, save for two that are supposed to happen in the future. The code features the date and number of fatalities associated with each event. John is unsure about a certain portion of the code and contacts the adult daughter of the code’s author, a woman about his age with a daughter close in age to Caleb. How convenient. The woman is unhelpful, but John discovers the remaining numbers’ meaning on his own when he unwittingly witnesses the next disaster. While on his way to visit the woman he witnesses/experiences a plane crash from the ground, fulfilling the code’s prophecy. He realizes that the remaining numbers provide the events’ location. In the midst of all this, Caleb is being visited by random creepy, pale, trench coat-clad people who whisper to him. Coincidentally, the “whisper people” also visit the daughter of Nicolas Cage’s new lady friend. In a truly frightening scene, one of the whisper people reveals a chilling scene to Caleb. He shows Caleb a world being destroyed by the equivalent of a nuclear bomb. Trees and animals burn beneath an orange sky, with no human beings in sight.

John tries to reveal the last portion of the code, which was unfinished. He wants to prevent the last tragedy, which as it turns out, is going to wipe out the rest of the planet. The whisper people are actually trying to help Caleb rather than harm him. He and the girl have been chosen to be part of the group that will re-populate the Earth after its initial destruction. This is where the movie got weird and abstract, and a little corny. I don’t mind happy endings, but it just got strange to watch the whisper people morph into aliens and transport the kids up into space. I apologize for the spoilers, but this was a strange movie. The premise was eerily intriguing, and there were some awesome special effects, but I can’t give Knowing much more than a tepid endorsement. The Nic Cage annoyance gauge remained pretty low – which was good – but the movie was just silly enough at the end to dampen my enthusiasm. It was worth seeing but is definitely not a “must see.”